Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
