Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she peed on how many people?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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