Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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