i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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