Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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