Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
