I wish I could punch you in the face.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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