I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
