I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
