In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
