Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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