Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
