Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
