can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
