Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
