I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
We need to rekindle our bromance
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
