Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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