Your favorite bartender is back from prision
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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