Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
