she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i will never coherently bang her
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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