the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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