My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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