I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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