that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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