i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
