JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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