just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
