You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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