i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
