guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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