guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
