maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize