i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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