It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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