Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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