Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Randomize
