I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
