hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
