'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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