What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
