I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
