If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
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well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
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The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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