found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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