i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
