i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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