PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
