what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
