No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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