The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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