i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
