Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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