He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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