his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
