What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
