The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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