we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
