I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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