This is not my ceiling
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
MIDGETS
????
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
