Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
