If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
