So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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