Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
