I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Randomize
