Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
