3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
