I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
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He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
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Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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