forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
