He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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