someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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