I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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