My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
now i know why i became what i already was.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
